Murphy's Laws A

A

Abbott's Admonitions
1.If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
2.If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.

Abrams's Advice
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.

Absolute Principal
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.

Rule of Accuracy
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Corollary - Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.

Acheson's Rule of the Bureaucracy
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.

Acton's Law
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Ade's Law
Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.

Law of Adult Opportunity
Opportunity always knocks at the least appropriate moment.

Advanced Systems News Letter
The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.

Agnes Allen's Law
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Airplane Law
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Law of Airports
The distance to the gate is inversely proportional to the time available to catch the flight.

Alan's Law of Research
The theory is supported as long as the funds are.

Albrecht's Law
Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well being.

Alfred's Law of NIMBY'ism [Not in my back yard]
The guy holding the biggest sign demanding that the freeway be torn down moved in six years after
it was constructed.

Law of Algebra
You never catch on until after the test.

Algren's Precepts
Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And never lie down
with a woman who's got more troubles than you.

Law of Alienation
Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.

Alinsky's Rule For Radicals
Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem.

Allen's Axiom
When all else fails, follow instructions.

Allen's Biblical Distinction (Allen's Distinction)
The lion and the lamb shall lie down together, but the lamb won' t get much sleep.

Allen's Law
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Allen's Law of Civilization
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.

Alley's Axiom
Justice always prevails... three times out of seven.

Alligator Allegory
The objective of all dedicated product support employees should be to thoroughly analyze all
situations, anticipate all problems prior to their occurrence, have answers for these problems, and
move swiftly to solve these problems when called upon. However, when you are up to your ass in
alligators, it is difficult to remind yourself that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

Alligator Principle
When you are up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to remind yourself that your initial objective
was to drain the swamp.

Allison's Precept
The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series
of bets on future occurrences in that area.

Law of Ambition
At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members, attorneys, and
businessmen -- as well as congressmen, senators, and governors -- are dreaming of the White
House, but few, if any of them, will make it.

Anderson's Law
Any system or problem, however complicated, if looked at in exactly the right way, will become even
more complicated.

Andrew's Canoeing Postulate
No matter which direction you start, it's always against the wind coming back.

Law of Annoyance
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will
need it instantly.

Anthony's Law of Force
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
Corollary - On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first and always strike your toes.

Approval Seeker's Law
Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.

The Aquinas Axiom
What the gods get away with, the cows don't.

The Arithmetic of Cooperation
When you're adding up committees there's a useful rule of thumb: that talents make a difference,
and follies make a sum.

Army Axiom
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.

Army Law
If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it.

Arnold's First Law of Documentation
If it should exist, it doesn't.

Arnold's Second Law of Documentation
If it does exist, it's out of date.

Arnold's Third Law of Documentation
Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.

Ashleigh's First Law
If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly.

Ashley-Perry Statistical Axioms
1.Numbers are tools, not rules.
2.Numbers are symbols for things; the number and the thing are not the same.
3.Skill in manipulating numbers is a talent, not evidence of divine guidance.
4.Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately
contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.
5.The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an equation; it is not the solution to a
problem.
6.Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases prove nothing.

Law of Assembly
Interchangeable parts won't.

Astrology Law
It's always the wrong time of the month.

Atlas's Laws of Medical Research
Successful research attracts the bigger grant which makes further research impossible.
The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published.

Attila's Instruction
Always remember to pillage before you burn.

Attorneys Operating Principle
Any simple idea must be worded in the most complicated way.
Atwoods Corollary
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.

Law of Attraction
Power attracts people but it cannot hold them.

Avery's Observation
It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.

Avery's Rule of Three
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of
three is not the fourth job -- it's the start of a brand new series of three.

Avian Law
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Axiom of Promotions
What gets you promoted on one level will get you fired on another.

Axiom of the Pipe. (Trischmann's Paradox)
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.