S
Sadat's Reminder
Those who invented the law of supply and demand have no right to complain when this law works
against their interest.
Safeway Principles
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
Salary Axiom
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on
your take-home pay.
Sam Slick's Sophism
The number of salesmen that will call on you on any given day will be directly proportional to the
amount and urgency of the work you have to get done.
Corollary - None of them will be selling anything you want.
Sam's Axioms
1.Any line, however short, is still too long.
2.Work is the crabgrass of life, but money is the water that keeps it green.
Samuels Postulate
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
Sattinger's Law
It works better if you plug it in.
Sattler's Law
There are 32 points to the compass, meaning that there are 32 directions in which a spoon can
squirt grapefruit; yet, the juice almost invariably flies straight into the human eye.
Sattlinger's Law
It works better if you plug it in.
Saunders's Discovery
Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten.
The Sausage Principle
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
Sayre's Third Law of Politics
Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.
Schenk's First Principle of Industrial Market Economics
Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.
Schickel's TV Theorems
1.Any dramatic series the producers want us to take seriously as a representation of contemporary
reality cannot be taken seriously as a representation of anything -- except a show to be ignored by
anyone capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously.
2.The only programs a grown-up can possibly stand are those intended for children. Or, more
properly, those that cater to those pre-adolescent fantasies that most have never abandoned.
Schmidt's Law
Never eat prunes when you're hungry.
Schmidt's Law (probably a different Schmidt)
If you mess with something long enough, it'll break.
Schmidt's Observation
All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
Schmidt's Observations
Never eat prunes when you're hungry. All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a
thin person.
Schuckit's Law
All interference in human conduct has the potential for causing harm, no matter how innocuous the
procedure may be.
Schultze's Law
If you can't measure output, then you measure input.
Schumpeter's Observation of Scientific and Nonscientific Theories
Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.
First Law of Science
You can observe a lot just by watching.
Rule of Scientific Endeavor
The simple explanation always follows the complex solution.
Scott's First Law
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
Scott's Second Law
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first
place.
Corollary - After the correction has been found in error, it will be impossible to fit the original
quantity back into the equation.
Screwdriver Syndrome
Sometimes, where a complex problem can be illuminated by many tools, one can be forgiven for
applying the one he knows best.
Searchers Laws
1.You can always find what you're not looking for.
2.If a lost thing is found, something else will disappear.
3.If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know
where it is.
4.The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
5.You will always find what you have lost in the last place you look for it.
Law of Secrecy
The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to attempt to hide it.
Segal's Law
A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure.
Law of Selective Gravity (the Buttered Side Down Law)
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Corollary (Klipstein) - The most delicate component will be the one to drop.
By the way- what happends if you glue the bread with the buttered side up to a cat's back and drop
it- will the cat float in the air? or vanish?
Jenning's Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the
carpet.
Sells's Law
The first sample is always the best.
Sevareid's Law
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Seymour's Principle of Investment
Never invest in anything that eats.
Shaffer's Law
The effectiveness of a politician varies in inverse proportion to his commitment to principle.
Shalit's Law
The intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio to the quality of the movie.
Shanahan's Law (O'Hanahan's Law)
The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.
Sharkey's Fourth Law of Motion
Passengers on elevators constantly rearrange their positions as people get on and off so there is at
all times an equal distance between all bodies.
Shaw's Laws of Meetings
1.In any dealings with a collective body of people, the people will always be more tacky than originally
expected.
2.The person with the least expertise has the most opinions.
3.Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen.
Shaw's Principle
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Shelton's Laws of Pocket Calculators
1.Rechargeable batteries die at the most critical time of the most complex problem.
2.When a rechargeable battery starts to die in the middle of a complex calculation, and the user
attempts to connect house current, the calculator will clear itself.
3.The final answer will exceed the magnitude or precision or both of the calculator.
4.There are not enough storage registers to solve the problem.
5.The user will forget mathematics in proportion to the complexity of the calculator.
6.Thermal paper will run out before the calculation is complete.
Shirley's Law
Most people deserve each other. Forgive and remember.
Short's Quotations
1.Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche. A cliche is a sure and certain
way to dilute an idea. For instance, my grandmother used to say, "The black cat is always the last
one off the fence." I have no idea what she meant, but at one time it was undoubtedly true.
2.Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
3.Malpractice makes malperfect.
4.Neurosis is a communicable disease.
5.The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
6.Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how
can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is
most likely to be creamed?
7.A little ignorance can go a long way.
8.Learn to be sincere. Even if you have to fake it.
9.There is no such thing as an absolute truth -- that is absolutely true.
10.Understanding the laws of nature does not mean we are free from obeying them.
11.Entropy has us outnumbered.
12.The human race never solves any of its problems -- it only outlives them.
13.Hell hath no fury like a pacifist.
Simmon's Law
The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event.
Simon's Law
Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
Sinner's Law of Retaliation
Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do.
Sir Walter's Law
The tendency of smoke from a cigarette, barbecue, campfire, etc., To drift into a persons face is
directly proportional with that persons sensitivity to smoke.
Skinner's Constant (Flannegan's Finagling Factor)
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided into, added to, or subtracted from the answer you
got, gives you the answer you should have gotten.
Skole's Rule for Antique Dealers
Never simply say, "Sorry, we don't have what you're looking for." Always say, "Too bad, I just sold
one the other day."
Skydivers' Law of Hesitation
He who hesitates shall inherit the earth.
Law of Slide Presentation
In any slide presentation, at least one slide will be upside down or backwards, or both.
Smith's Principles of Bureaucratic Tinkertoys
1.Never use one word when a dozen will suffice.
2.If it can be understood, it's not finished yet.
3.Never be the first to do anything.
Snafu Equations
1.Given any problem containing n equations, there will be n+1 unknowns.
2.An object or bit of information most needed, will be least available.
3.In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution,
simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.
4.Badness comes in waves.
Snafu Equation No. 6
Badness comes in waves.
First Law of Socio-Economics
In a hierarchical system, the rate of pay for a given task increases in inverse ratio to the
unpleasantness and difficulty of the task.
First Law of Socio-Genetics
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Sociology's Iron Law of Oligarchy
In every organized activity, no matter the sphere, a small number will become the oligarchical
leaders and the others will follow.
Sodd's First Law
When a person attempts a task, he or she will be thwarted in that task by the unconscious
intervention of some other presence (animate or inanimate). Nevertheless, some tasks are
completed, since the intervening presence is itself attempting a task and is, of course, subject to
interference.
Sodd's Second Law
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
Corollary - Any system must be designed to withstand the worst possible set of circumstances.
Sodd's Other Law
The degree of failure is in direct proportion to the effort expended and to the need for success.
Law of Space And Time
The universe is not only weirder than we suppose. It's weirder than we can suppose.
The Spare Parts Principle
The accessibility, during recovery, of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with
the size of the part, and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway.
Spark's Nine Rules for the Project Manager
1.Strive to look tremendously important.
2.Attempt to be seen with important people. Speak with authority; however, only expound on the
obvious and proven facts.
3.Don't engage in arguments, but if cornered, ask an irrelevant question and lean back with a
satisfied grin while your opponent tries to figure out what's going on -- then quickly change the
subject.
4.Listen intently while others are arguing the problem. Pounce on a trite statement and bury them with
it.
5.If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he had lost his senses. When he
looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.
6.Obtain a brilliant assignment, but keep out of sight and out of the limelight.
7.Walk at a fast pace when out of the office -- this keeps questions from subordinates and superiors
at a minimum.
8.Always keep the office door closed. This puts visitors on the defensive and also makes it look as if
you are always in an important conference.
9.Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into "Pearl Harbor File."
Spark's Ten Rules for the Project Manager
1.Strive to look tremendously important.
2.Attempt to be seen with important people.
3.Speak with authority; however, only expound on the obvious and proven facts.
4.Don't engage in arguments, but if cornered, ask an irrelevant question and lean back with a
satisfied grin while your opponent tries to figure out what's going on -- then quickly change the
subject.
5.Listen intently while others are arguing the problem. Pounce on a trite statement and bury them with
it.
6.If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he had lost his senses. When he
looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.
7.Obtain a brilliant assignment, but keep out of sight and out of the limelight.
8.Walk at a fast pace when out of the office -- this keeps questions from subordinates and superiors
at a minimum.
9.Always keep the office door closed. This puts visitors on the defensive and also makes it look as if
you are always in an important conference.
10.Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."
Specht's Meta-Law
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you
can be booked.
Sport Car Laws
1.If you drive an expensive sport car and park it in a corner of the parking lot far from the entrance,
when you return the only other car in the parking lot will be parked next to yours and your car will
have a new dent in the door.
2.The little old lady who just ran her shopping cart into the door of your new Porsche will invariably say
"it's just a teeny dent," or "after all, it's only a car."
Law of Sports Contracts
The more money the free agent signs for, the less effective he is the following season.
Sprinkle's Law
Things always fall at right angles.
Stamp's Statistical Probability
The government is extremely fond of amassing great quantities of statistics. These are raised to the
nth degree, the cube roots are extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and
impressive displays. What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every case, the figures are
first put down by a village watchman, and he puts down anything he damn well pleases.
Stanley's Law of Taking Things Apart
When putting things back together again, there will always be at least one piece left over that will not
fit anywhere.
Stanley's Laws of Fat
Fat expands to fill any apparel worn.
Law of Status
Keep Up With The Fletcher's. You'll Never Make Enough To Keep Up With The Jones's.
Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy
Everyone should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
Stein's Law of Cards
Never play Poker with a player named Doc or Ace.
Stein's Maxim
The fact that you do not know the answer does not mean that someone else does.
Steinbeck's Law
When you need towns, they are very far apart.
Stenton's Law (Conrad's Conundrum)
Technology don't transfer.
Stephens's Soliloquy
Finality is death. Perfection is finality. Nothing is perfect. There are lumps in it.
Stewart's Law of Retroaction
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Stock Market Axiom
The public is always wrong.
Stock's Observation
You no sooner get your head above water than someone pulls your flippers off.
Stockbroker's Declaration
The market will rally from this or lower levels.
Stockmayer's Theorem
If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible.
Stone's Law
If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue which contained the article or story or
installment you were most anxious to read.
Street's Laws of Mail Order
1.If you don't write to complain you'll never receive the order.
2.If you do write to complain, you'll receive the merchandise before your angry letter reaches the
company.
3.The most important item in an order will be back ordered.
Sturgeon's Law
Ninety percent of EVERYTHING is crud.
Jones' browsing addendum to Sturgeon's Law
Of the ten percent, ninety percent are reprints.
Sueker's Note
If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.
Suhor's Law
A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.
Law of Superiority
The first example of superior principle is always inferior to the developed example of inferior
principle.
Law of Supermarkets
The item you wanted to price compare with other items is not priced.
Law of Superstition
It's bad luck to be superstititious.
Survival Formula for Public Office
1.Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good which happens whether you had
anything to do with it or not).
2.Don't disturb the perimeter (meaning don't stir up a mess unless you can be sure of the result).
3.Stay in with the Outs (the Ins will make so many mistakes, you can't afford to alienate the Outs).
4.Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.
Sutton's Law
Go where the money is.
Sweeney's Law
The length of a progress report is inversely proportional to the amount of progress.
Swipple's Rule of Order
He who shouts loudest has the floor.
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