Murphy's Laws T

T

Taxi Principle
Find out the cost before you get in.

Law of Teenage Opportunity
When opportunity knocks, you've got headphones on.

Law of Television
If you have only watched a TV series once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same
episode.

Terman's Law
There is no direct relationship between the quality of an educational program and its cost.

Terman's Law of Innovation
If you want a track team to win the high jump you find one person who can jump seven feet, not
seven people who can jump one foot.

Teslacle's Deviant to Fudd's Law
It goes in -- it must come out.

Them what has -- gets. Wakefield's Refutation of the Iron Law of Distribution
Them what gets -- has.

Theory of organizational deviance
Every organization has an allotted number of positions to be filled by incompetents.

Theory of the International Society of Philosophic Engineering
1.In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.
2.Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm.
3.In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated
as variables.
4.The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those
conditions encountered in actual service.
5.The most vital dimension on any plan or drawing stands the greatest chance of being omitted.
6.If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be unreasonable.
7.If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent production units will malfunction.
8.All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.
9.Major changes in construction will always be requested after fabrication is nearly completed.
10.Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
11.Interchangeable parts won't.
12.Manufacturer's specifications of performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.5.
13.Salespeople's claims for performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25.
14.Installation and Operating Instructions shipped with the device will be promptly discarded by the
Receiving Department.
15.Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
16.Service Conditions as given on specifications will be exceeded.
17.If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
18.Identical units which test in an identical fashion will not behave in an identical fashion in the field.
19.If, in engineering practice, a safety factor is set through service experience at an ultimate value, an
ingenious idiot will promptly calculate a method to exceed said safety factor.
20.Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.

Therapist's Observation
It's easy to criticize paranoid people, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

Fourth Law of Thermodynamics
If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damned near zero.

Thinking Man's Tautology
If you think you're wrong, you're wrong.
Corollary - If you think you're wrong, you're right.

Thomas's Law of Consumerism
1.A one year warranty guarantees that the product will self-destruct on the 366th day.
2.All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
3.The negative "Consumer Report" on the item you want to buy will come out one week after you've
purchased it.

Thoreau's Law
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for
your life.

Thoreau's Rule
Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it.

Thoughts on Management
If everyone dislikes it, it must be looked into. If everyone likes it, it must be looked into.

Thoughts on Programming, Number 52
The user does not know what he wants until he sees what he gets.

The Three Laws of Robotics
1.A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2.A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with
the First Law.
3.A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or
Second Laws.

Three Lies According to Playboy
1.The check's in the mail.
2.Anticipation is half the fun.
3.I promise I won't come in your mouth.
Hare's Additional Lie
This will hurt me more than it hurts you.
Lowry's Additional Lie
I've never done this before.

Thurber's Conclusion
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.

Thwartz's Theorem of Low Profile
Negative expectation thwarts realization, and self-congratulation guarantees disaster. (Or, simply
put: If you think of it, it won't happen quite that way.)

Thyme's Law
Everything goes wrong at once.

Time Observation
Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever.

Tinker's Law
Nature abhors people.

Tipper's Law
Those who expect the biggest tips provide the worst service.

Titanic Coincidence
Most accidents in well-designed systems involve two or more events of low probability occurring in
the worst possible combination.

Titanics Generalized Iceberg Theorem
Seven-eighths of everything can't be seen.

Todd's Political Principles
1.No matter what they're telling you they're not telling you the whole truth.
2.No matter what they're talking about, they're talking about money.
3.The length of time it takes a bill to pass through the legislature is in inverse proportion to the number
of lobbying groups favoring it.
4.No politician talks about taxes during an election year.
5.Truth varies.

Law of the Too Solid Goof
In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct beyond all need of checking contain
the errors.
Corollary 1: No one you ask for help will see the error either.
Corollary2: Any nagging intruder, who

Torquemada's Law
When you are sure you're right, you have a moral duty to impose your will upon anyone who
disagrees with you.

Transcription Square Law
The number of errors made is equal to the sum of the squares employed.

First Law of Travel
No matter how many rooms there are in the motel, the fellow who starts up his car at five o'clock in
the morning is always parked under your window.

Travel Axiom
He travels fastest who travels alone... but he hasn't anything to do when he gets there.

Trial Lawyer's Dilemma
You can't guard against the arbitrary.

Trischmann's Paradox (Axiom of the Pipe)
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.

Law of Triviality
The time spent on any item of the agenda will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Troutman's Laws of Computer Programming (and see Peck's Programming Postulates)
1.Any running program is obsolete.
2.Any planned program costs more and takes longer.
3.Any useful program will have to be changed.
4.Any useless program will have to be documented.
5.Any program will expand to fill available memory.
Andi's Addendum - And beyond.
6.The size of a program expands to fill all available memory.
7.The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its output.
8.The complexity of a program grows until it exceeds the capability of its maintainers.
9.Any system that relies on computer reliability is unreliable.
10.Any system that relies on human reliability is unreliable.
11.Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers
cannot write in English.
12.Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.

Troutman's Programming Postulates
1.If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
2.Not until a program has been in production for at least six months will the most harmful error be
discovered.
3.Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in proper order will be.
4.Interchangeable tapes won't.
5.If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method
to get bad data past it.

Truman's Law
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Trump's Quirk of Human Nature
Nobody loves a winner who wins all the time.

Truths of Management
1.Think before you act; it's not your money.
2.All good management is the expression of one great idea.
3.No executive devotes effort to proving himself wrong.
4.Cash in must exceed cash out.
5.Management capability is always less than the organization actually needs.
Truth 5.1 of Management: Organizations always have too many managers.
6.Either an executive can do his job or he can't.
7.If sophisticated calculations are needed to justify an action, don't do it.
8.If you are doing something wrong, you will do it badly.
9.If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail.
10.The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it.

Tuccille's First Law of Reality
Industry always moves in to fill an economic vacuum.

Turnauckas's Observation
To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.

Turner's Law
Nearly all prophecies made in public are wrong.

Twain's Rule
Only kings, editors, and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial "we".

Tylk's Law
Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.