Murphy's Laws F

F

Faber's Laws
1.If there isn't a law, there will be.
2.The number of errors in any piece of writing rises in proportion to the writer's reliance on secondary
sources.

Rule of Failure
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you have tried.

Fairfax's Law
Any facts which, when included in the argument, give the desired result, are fair facts for the
argument.

Falkland's Rule
When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

Law of Fallibility
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later. Sooner or later, the worst possible set of
circumstances is bound to occur.

Farber's Laws
1.Give him an inch and he'll screw you.
2.A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else.
3.We're all going down the same road in different directions.
4.Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

Farmer's Comment
If you mess with something long enough, it'll break.

Farnsdick's corollary
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.

Farrow's Finding
If God had intended for us to go to concerts, He would have given us tickets.

Law of Fashion
Any given dress is: indecent 10 years before its time, daring 1 year before its time, chic in its time,
dowdy 3 years after its time, hideous 20 years after its time, amusing 30 years after its time,
romantic 100 years after its time, and beautiful 150 years after its time.

Faust's First Law of Synergism
The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut on the market.

Featherkile's Rule
Whatever you did, that's what you planned to do.

Rule of Feline Frustration
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly
have to go to the bathroom.

Feline Law
A cat walking into a room containing twelve seated people will jump into the lap of the person who
hates cats the most.

Femo's Law Of Automotive Engine Repairing
If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.

Ferguson's Precept
A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."

Fetridge's Law
Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially when people are looking.

Fett's Law of the Lab
Never replicate a successful experiment.

Fett's Law of the Lab (Fett's Law)
Never replicate a successful experiment.

Finagle's Creed
Science is Truth. Don't be misled by fact.

Finagle's First Law
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's Second Law
No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to:
(a) misinterpret it.
(b) fake it. or
(c) believe it supports his own pet theory.
Finagle's Third Law
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the
mistake.
Corollaries
1.No one whom you ask for help will see it.
2.Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.
Finagle's Fourth Law
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Finagle's Law According to Niven
The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.

Finagle's Laws of Information
1.The information you have is not what you want.
2.The information you want is not what you need.
3.The information you need is not what you can obtain.
4.The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.

Finagle's Rules
Ever since the first scientific experiment, man has been plagued by the increasing antagonism of
nature. It seems only right that nature should be logical and neat, but experience has shown that this
is not the case. A further series of rules has been formulated, designed to help man accept the
pigheadedness of nature.
1.To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
2.Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
3.Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
4.In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
5.Law of Continuity
Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
Correspondence Corollary
An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your data must be
discarded to obtain
6.When you don't know what you are doing, do it NEATLY.
7.Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
8.Always verify your witchcraft.
9.Be sure to obtain meteorological data before leaving on vacation.
10.Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.

Finnigan's Law
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking is the
mistake.

Finster's Law
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Firestone's Law of Forcasting
Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Firth's Law of Tailoring
No matter how many alterations, cheap pants never fit.

Fishbein's Conclusion
The tire is only flat on the bottom.

Fitz-Gibbon's Law
Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth.

Flagle's Law of the Perversity of Inanimate Objects (Flap's Law)
Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform at
any time in a totally unexpected manner, for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else
completely mysterious.

Flaw of Long-Range Planning
The longer ahead you plan a special event, and the more special it is, the more likely it is to go
wrong.

Flip Wilson's Law
You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickles in the machine.

Law For Free-Lance Artists
1.A high paying rush job will come in only after you've committed to a low paying rush job.
2.All rush jobs are due the same day.
3.The rush job you spent all night on won't be picked up by the customer for two days. Anything is
easier to take apart than to put together

Ford Pinto Rule
Never buy a car that has a wick.

Formula for Public Office Survival
1.Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good which happens whether you had
anything to do with it or not).
2.Don't disturb the perimeter (meaning don't stir up a mess unless you can be sure of the result).
3.Stay in with the Outs (the Ins will make so many mistakes, you can't afford to alienate the Outs).
4.Go where the money is.

Forsyth's Second Corollary to Murphy's Laws
Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in.

Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws
That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly.
If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.

Fortis's Three Great Lies of Life
1.Money isn't everything.
2.It's great to be a Negro.
3.I'm only going to put it in a little way.

Foster's Law
If you cover a congressional committee on a regular basis, they will report the bill on your day off.

Fourteenth Corollary of Atwood's General Law of Dynamic Negatives
No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep.

Fowler's Law
In a bureaucracy, accomplishment is inversely proportional to the volume of paper used.

Fowler's Note
The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.

Frankel's Law
Whatever happens in government could have happened differently, and it usually would have been
better if it had.
Corollary - Once things have happened, no matter how accidentally, they will be regarded as
manifestations of an unchangeable Higher Reason.

Franklin's Observation
He that lives upon Hope dies farting.

Franklin's Rule
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed.

Fred Allen's Motto
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

Freddie's Laws of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is directly proportional to:
The number of persons in the group you are with.
The distance you must reach to scratch it.
The more embarrassing the place that must be scratched.

Freeman's Commentary on Ginberg's Theorem
Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one
part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit:
1.Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
2.Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
3.Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

Freeman's Rule
Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.

Freemon's Rule
Circumstances can force a generalized incompetent to become competent, at least in a specialized
field.

Fried's Law
Ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and validity.

Law of Friendship
Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.

Frisch's Law
You cannot have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Frothingham's Fallacy
Time is money.

Fudd's First Law of Opposition
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.

Fulton's Law
When you need to knock on wood is when you discover that the world is made of aluminum, vinyl
and fiberglass.

Fundamental Tenet of Reform
Reforms come from below. No man with four aces howls for a new deal.

Funkhouser's Law of the Power of the Press
The quality of legislation passed to deal with a problem is inversely proportional to the volume of
media clamor that brought it on.

The Futility Factor (Carson's Consolation)
No experiment is ever a complete failure -- it can always serve as a bad example, or the exception
that proves the rule (but only if it is the first experiment in the series).

Law of Future Results
Nothing ever comes out as planned.

Fyffe's Axiom
The problem-solving process will always break down at the point at which it is possible to determine
who caused the problem.