Murphy's Laws D

D

Danforth's Rules of Random Selection
1.Never be first
2.Never be last.
3.Never volunteer for anything.

Darrow's Observation
History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.

Darwin's Observation
Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.

Dave's Law of Advice
Those with the best advice offer no advice.

Dave's Rule of Street Survival
Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.

Davidson's Maxim
Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.

Davis's Basic Law of Medicine
Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.

Dawson's Rules of Superior Inferiority
1.Don't let your superiors know that your are better than they are.
2.You never know who's right but you always know who's in charge.

Deadline-Dan's Demo Demonstration
The higher the ``higher-ups'' are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of
giving a successful one.

Deadlock's Law
If the law-makers make a compromise, the place where it will be felt most is the taxpayer's pocket.
Corollary - The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is
compromising.

Dean Martin's Definition of Drunkenness
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean's Law of the District of Columbia
Washington is a much better place if you are asking questions rather than answering them.

First Law of Debate
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Decaprio's Rule
Everything takes more time and money.

Deitz's Law of Ego
The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a column is in direct ratio to the obscurity of the
mentionee.

Demian's Observation
There is always one item on the screen menu thatis mislabeled and should read "`Abandon all hope
Ye who enter here".

Dennis's Principles of Management by Crisis
1.To get action out of management, it is necessary to create the illusion of a crisis in the hope it will
be acted upon.
2.Management will select actions or events and convert them to crises. It will then over-react.
3.Management is incapable of recognizing a true crisis.
4.The squeaky hinge gets the oil.

Denniston's Law
Virtue is its own punishment.

Fifth Law of Design
Design flaws travel in groups.

Dhawan's Laws for the Non-Smoker
1.The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker regardless of the direction of
the breeze.
2.The amount of pleasure derived from a cigarette is directly proportional to the number of
non-smokers in the vicinity.
3.A smoker is always attracted to the non-smoking section.
4.The life of a cigarette is directly proportional to the intensity of the protests from non-smokers.

Dictum
One should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible.

Dieter's Law
Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.

Dijkstra's Prescription for Programming Inertia
If you don't know what your program is supposed to do, you'd better not start writing it.

Diners Dilemmas
1.A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
2.The hardness of butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll.

Dingle's Law
When someone drops something, everybody will kick it around instead of picking it up.

Diogenes's First Dictum
The more heavily a man is supposed to be taxed, the more power he has to escape being taxed.

Diogenes's Second Dictum
If a taxpayer thinks he can cheat safely, he probably will.

Dirksen's Three Laws of Politics
1.Get elected.
2.Get re-elected.
3.Don't get mad -- get even.

The First Discovery of Christmas Morning
Batteries not included.
The First Discovery of Christmas Afternoon
Give a kid a new toy- Dad will play with the toy, the kid will play with the box it came in.

Doc's Laws of Automotive Repair
1.If you can reach the faulty part, you don't have the tool to get it off.
2.Quality is inversely proportional to the time left to complete the job.
3.If it jams-force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyhow.

Law of Doctoring
It never heals correctly.

Dolly Parton's Principle
The bigger they are, the harder it is to see your shoes.

Donohue's Law
Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

Donsen's Law
The specialist learns more and more about less and less until, finally, he knows everything about
nothing; whereas the generalist learns less and less about more and more until, finally, he knows
nothing about everything.

Dooley's Law
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

Douglas's Law of Practical Aeronautical design
When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.

Douglas's Law of Practical Aeronautics
When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.

Dow's Law
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

First Law of Driving
There is no traffic until you start to back out of your driveway.

Law of Driving Dynamics
The speed of an oncoming vehicle is directly proportional to the length of the passing zone.

Dror's First Law
While the difficulties and dangers of problems tend to increase at a geometric rate, the knowledge
and manpower qualified to deal with these problems tend to increase linearly.

Dror's Second Law
While human capacities to shape the environment, society, and human beings are rapidly
increasing, policymaking capabilities to use those capacities remain the same.

Dryer's Law of Timing
If you're early, it'll be canceled. If you knock yourself out to be on time you will have to wait. If you're
late, you will be too late.

Ducharme's Precept
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Dude's Law of Duality
Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.

Dunn's Discovery
The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment one puts a little extra
aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.

Dunne's Law
The territory behind rhetoric is too often mined with equivocation.

Durant's Discovery
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to
say.

Durrell's Parameter
The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

Dyer's Law
A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Dykstra's Law
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.