Murphy's toddlers laws
* When you need to carry a child they will want to walk.
* When you want them to walk they will want to be carried.
* When you bring the stroller they will want to walk.
* When you forget the stroller they will want to ride.
* The more potential a food has for stains the greater the coverage area when it is hurled by a child.
Corollary: The more potential a food has for stains the more expensive the item of clothing/fabric/furniture it strikes.
The corollary was sent by Grotblik
* A child's favorite one day is never a favorite the next day (especially food).
* The intensity of the tantrum is directly proportional to the amount of people around to witness.
* If it's mine it's mine,
if it's yours it's mine,
if I like it is mine,
if I can take it from you it is mine,
if I am playing with something ALL of the pieces are mine,
if I think it is mine it is,
if I saw it first it's mine,
if I had it then put it down it is still mine,
if you had it then you put it down it is now mine,
if it looks like the one I have at home it is mine,
if it is broken it is yours.
* If I make a mess you must clean it up
* If I broke it, its your fault
The last two laws were sent by Rose Wassef
* The louder you speak and the more you repeat something is inversely proportional to the amount of information taken in.
* Soccer, Dance, Basketball, Softball, Piano, Girl(Boy)Scouts (etc.) is always on the same day with less then 5 minutes between.
* The more preparation time for the meal the less likely a child is to eat it.
* As soon as the snow suit, and all of the paraphernalia that accompanies, is on the child will have to use the bathroom.
* As soon as the child is in the car and the car has left the driveway the child will have to use the bathroom.
* The clothes/shoes you bought last week will not fit this week or will not be "cool" enough for this week.
* The amount of sound from the other room is inversely proportional to the amount of trouble the child is getting into.
* The more you paid for the car seat the more the child will hate it.
* When you are in a hurry the child will dawdle.
* The greater the importance of the phone call the bigger the mess the child will make or the louder the tantrum the child will have.
Sent by Stacy Robarge
* The availability of daycare is directly proportionate to how badly you need it.
* Your child will always wait until you are fully dressed for work before spilling their food on you.
The last two laws were sent by Acacia Anderson
* The later you let a child stay up at night, the earlier he will wake up in the morning.
Sent by Mary Streeter
* If I hid it well enough it will always be mine
Sent by Jennifer Parkins
* If they hide it under their bed, you will:
o Relocate it when they graduate from high school
o Find it when it begins to rot
Sent by Jerry Duncan
* When leaving the house without an extra set of clothes, they will render the clothes they have on nwearable
Sent by Carletta Sanders from the Successful Homeschooling blog
Source: http://www.murphys-laws.com/
Murphy's cars laws
Murphy's cars laws
* Being dead right doesn't make you any less dead.
* The largest vehicle always has the right of way.
* You're only pulled over when you were just trying to make the light.
* When there are three other cars on the road, the drivers are drunk and there's not a cop in sight.
* Hotrods are never seen, but often heard.
* You finally save up enough to fix your car and you get fired.
* The car only breaks down at the least convenient time. When you car breaks down and it is a small repair, the mechanic has to remove the engine to get to that part.
* No matter how well kept the car, an oil leak will develop.
* When you take your car to a mechanic because it makes a funny sound you will not be able to demonstrate it for the mechanic nor will you be able to describe.
* Washing your car constitutes a rain dance to the raining gods.
All the laws above were sent by Natalie.
Corollary: washing a car to make it rain will cause a drought.
Corollary sent by Darren
* There's always parking space when driving a 4X4.
Sent by Hein Traag
* If your working under the hood of a car and drop something, it will always roll the middle of the car and just out of reach.
Sent by Butch
Corollary: Unless there is a floor drain.
Corollary sent by David G. Showers
* The temperature of vinyl seat covers is inversely proportional to the length of your skirt or shorts.
Sent by Frepp
* The cleaner the windscreen, the stronger the magnetism to insects.
Corollary:
Within one minute after you exit the carwash, a huge insect will splotch on your windscreen.
Sent by Zain
* When you waive the extra insurance, your rental car will be vandalized.
* After your rental car has been vandalized, the replacement will be broken into - probably on the same day.
The last two laws were sent by Floris Kleijne who says they may not be the most eloquent Murphy's laws, but they happened... (in Ireland, earlier this year)
* The car dealer always works-up a great payment plan for the car they know you need but can't afford.
Sent by Skwirl
* Your Car Keys are always in the pocket of the hand that is fullest.
Sent by Stan NZ
* Your kid will fell asleep in the car 5 minutes before you arrive to your destination.
* A flat will occur during the heaviest downpour after dark
David Poole adds: on the side of the car that is closest to the traffic speeding past
* The later you are running, the greater the chance of hitting every red light in your path.
* The later you are running, the slower the people in front of you, and on any accessible side are going to drive.
* The less you want to be somewhere, the more likely every light will be green and traffic clear.
The last three laws were sent by Marisa Booth
* If you're stuck in a traffic jam and you move to the fast lane it will become the slowest lane, if you'll move back, that lane will stand still.
Sent by Or Gadish
* A flat will occur when you are without a spare.
This will happen after your significant other has reminded you to get one.
She\He will be in the car.
* A flat won't occur while you have spare wheel.
The last two laws were sent by Sanchay
* When driving, and you want to slowdown there will always be a car traveling right behind you.
Sent by Robert Van Sile
* Whenever you are running late on the highway, there will be a semi-truck in each lane to slow down traffic
* If you are late, and stuck in the right hand lane behind a bus, the bus will stop at every stop.
Corollary: It will be a school bus that will makes frequent and sudden stops.
The last two laws were sent by Frank, a.k.a. The Xception
* Murphy's Law of the Open Road
When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that:
o the two cars are going in opposite directions, and
o they will always meet at the bridge.
* Your car never depreciates more as when your neighbor buys a new one.
Sent by John Wish
* Whatever side of the pump you park your car, the tank lid will be on the other side.
Sent by David "The Fish"
* If you're looking in the mirror and all you can see is a Semi's grill, even if you'll hit the brake, you won't stop.
Sent by Timothy Boilard
* There shall be torrential down-pours as you attempt to get to your car; once inside the car, the sky is blue, the birds are chirping and there's a rainbow on the horizon.
Sent by Ana M.
* Rand-eye's law:
Your car will run out of gas where there are no gas stations.
Sent by Drviagra69@aol.com
* By making expensive modifications you increase the gravitational attractions between your car and large objects
* If you treat your car like a racing car, then it will develop expensive racing problems
The last two laws were sent by David Poole
* Regardless of how fast you go, someone behind you is in a hurry.
* Regardless of how fast you go, someone will delay you.
* The probability of 1 and 2 happening simultaneously is directly proportional to the amount of oncoming traffic, inversely proportional to the distance to the next no-passing zone, and directly proportional to the length of the no-passing zone.
The last three laws were sent by Gene Van
* A quiet intersection never has any traffic until you are ready to cross it.
Sent by Jesse Janowiak
* You can drive a car in to any river ford, just don't expect to always be able drive out
Sent by Marc Underwood
* The red light is always longer then the green one
* On a two lane road, no cars will come from the opposite direction where the lanes are divided by a white line. However, as soon as it's allowed to bypass, the opposite lane is jammed.
Sent by Pieter Luyt
* The louder the car alarm, the more likely everyone but the owner will hear it.
Sent by Dave Sharma
* If you're late for work, every traffic light is Red.
Sent by Airbornemonty
* The vehicle with most mass has automatic right of way
* The oldest or cheapest vehicle has automatic right of way
* The vehicle which has been in the most collisions has automatic right of way
* The vehicle with the cheapest insurance deductible has automatic right of way
* The vehicle with the largest driver has automatic right of way
* The vehicle with the most firearms on board (either factual or suspected) has automatic right of way
* Vehicles providing essential services, such as beer delivery trucks, have automatic right of way
The last seven laws were sent by Anthony Kenny
* If there is no traffic there will be roadwork
Sent by Montagumonty@aol.com
* Any driver in front of you will immediately lose the ability to drive their car
Sent by Mike Berneathy
* No matter the length of warranty coverage, on the day that the warranty expires the car will break down
* At the exact moment that your car insurance lapses, the probability of being involved in an accident increases exponentially
* Even if you never smoke, eat, or drink in your vehicle there will be mysterious stains on the carpet and/or upholstery at the time of trade in
The last three laws were sent by Shana
* No matter how many times over a vehicle's appearance is checked before returning it after service, paint job or wash, the owner will detect a huge, obvious flaw immediatly
* The probability of damaging a borrowed vehicle is directly proportional to how sensitive the owner is about it
* Any given mechanical job you decide to solve alone will imminently require a third hand, at its most critical moment
The last three laws were sent by Ing. David Contreras-Sáez
When in a hurry, every light is red, when you are in no particular rush, every light is green
* Sent by Katie Ellen Stone The more you worry - The bigger the Ding
Sent by Brian
Source: http://www.murphys-laws.com/
* Being dead right doesn't make you any less dead.
* The largest vehicle always has the right of way.
* You're only pulled over when you were just trying to make the light.
* When there are three other cars on the road, the drivers are drunk and there's not a cop in sight.
* Hotrods are never seen, but often heard.
* You finally save up enough to fix your car and you get fired.
* The car only breaks down at the least convenient time. When you car breaks down and it is a small repair, the mechanic has to remove the engine to get to that part.
* No matter how well kept the car, an oil leak will develop.
* When you take your car to a mechanic because it makes a funny sound you will not be able to demonstrate it for the mechanic nor will you be able to describe.
* Washing your car constitutes a rain dance to the raining gods.
All the laws above were sent by Natalie.
Corollary: washing a car to make it rain will cause a drought.
Corollary sent by Darren
* There's always parking space when driving a 4X4.
Sent by Hein Traag
* If your working under the hood of a car and drop something, it will always roll the middle of the car and just out of reach.
Sent by Butch
Corollary: Unless there is a floor drain.
Corollary sent by David G. Showers
* The temperature of vinyl seat covers is inversely proportional to the length of your skirt or shorts.
Sent by Frepp
* The cleaner the windscreen, the stronger the magnetism to insects.
Corollary:
Within one minute after you exit the carwash, a huge insect will splotch on your windscreen.
Sent by Zain
* When you waive the extra insurance, your rental car will be vandalized.
* After your rental car has been vandalized, the replacement will be broken into - probably on the same day.
The last two laws were sent by Floris Kleijne who says they may not be the most eloquent Murphy's laws, but they happened... (in Ireland, earlier this year)
* The car dealer always works-up a great payment plan for the car they know you need but can't afford.
Sent by Skwirl
* Your Car Keys are always in the pocket of the hand that is fullest.
Sent by Stan NZ
* Your kid will fell asleep in the car 5 minutes before you arrive to your destination.
* A flat will occur during the heaviest downpour after dark
David Poole adds: on the side of the car that is closest to the traffic speeding past
* The later you are running, the greater the chance of hitting every red light in your path.
* The later you are running, the slower the people in front of you, and on any accessible side are going to drive.
* The less you want to be somewhere, the more likely every light will be green and traffic clear.
The last three laws were sent by Marisa Booth
* If you're stuck in a traffic jam and you move to the fast lane it will become the slowest lane, if you'll move back, that lane will stand still.
Sent by Or Gadish
* A flat will occur when you are without a spare.
This will happen after your significant other has reminded you to get one.
She\He will be in the car.
* A flat won't occur while you have spare wheel.
The last two laws were sent by Sanchay
* When driving, and you want to slowdown there will always be a car traveling right behind you.
Sent by Robert Van Sile
* Whenever you are running late on the highway, there will be a semi-truck in each lane to slow down traffic
* If you are late, and stuck in the right hand lane behind a bus, the bus will stop at every stop.
Corollary: It will be a school bus that will makes frequent and sudden stops.
The last two laws were sent by Frank, a.k.a. The Xception
* Murphy's Law of the Open Road
When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that:
o the two cars are going in opposite directions, and
o they will always meet at the bridge.
* Your car never depreciates more as when your neighbor buys a new one.
Sent by John Wish
* Whatever side of the pump you park your car, the tank lid will be on the other side.
Sent by David "The Fish"
* If you're looking in the mirror and all you can see is a Semi's grill, even if you'll hit the brake, you won't stop.
Sent by Timothy Boilard
* There shall be torrential down-pours as you attempt to get to your car; once inside the car, the sky is blue, the birds are chirping and there's a rainbow on the horizon.
Sent by Ana M.
* Rand-eye's law:
Your car will run out of gas where there are no gas stations.
Sent by Drviagra69@aol.com
* By making expensive modifications you increase the gravitational attractions between your car and large objects
* If you treat your car like a racing car, then it will develop expensive racing problems
The last two laws were sent by David Poole
* Regardless of how fast you go, someone behind you is in a hurry.
* Regardless of how fast you go, someone will delay you.
* The probability of 1 and 2 happening simultaneously is directly proportional to the amount of oncoming traffic, inversely proportional to the distance to the next no-passing zone, and directly proportional to the length of the no-passing zone.
The last three laws were sent by Gene Van
* A quiet intersection never has any traffic until you are ready to cross it.
Sent by Jesse Janowiak
* You can drive a car in to any river ford, just don't expect to always be able drive out
Sent by Marc Underwood
* The red light is always longer then the green one
* On a two lane road, no cars will come from the opposite direction where the lanes are divided by a white line. However, as soon as it's allowed to bypass, the opposite lane is jammed.
Sent by Pieter Luyt
* The louder the car alarm, the more likely everyone but the owner will hear it.
Sent by Dave Sharma
* If you're late for work, every traffic light is Red.
Sent by Airbornemonty
* The vehicle with most mass has automatic right of way
* The oldest or cheapest vehicle has automatic right of way
* The vehicle which has been in the most collisions has automatic right of way
* The vehicle with the cheapest insurance deductible has automatic right of way
* The vehicle with the largest driver has automatic right of way
* The vehicle with the most firearms on board (either factual or suspected) has automatic right of way
* Vehicles providing essential services, such as beer delivery trucks, have automatic right of way
The last seven laws were sent by Anthony Kenny
* If there is no traffic there will be roadwork
Sent by Montagumonty@aol.com
* Any driver in front of you will immediately lose the ability to drive their car
Sent by Mike Berneathy
* No matter the length of warranty coverage, on the day that the warranty expires the car will break down
* At the exact moment that your car insurance lapses, the probability of being involved in an accident increases exponentially
* Even if you never smoke, eat, or drink in your vehicle there will be mysterious stains on the carpet and/or upholstery at the time of trade in
The last three laws were sent by Shana
* No matter how many times over a vehicle's appearance is checked before returning it after service, paint job or wash, the owner will detect a huge, obvious flaw immediatly
* The probability of damaging a borrowed vehicle is directly proportional to how sensitive the owner is about it
* Any given mechanical job you decide to solve alone will imminently require a third hand, at its most critical moment
The last three laws were sent by Ing. David Contreras-Sáez
When in a hurry, every light is red, when you are in no particular rush, every light is green
* Sent by Katie Ellen Stone The more you worry - The bigger the Ding
Sent by Brian
Source: http://www.murphys-laws.com/
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